Warning....pictures of my stint in the ICU.

This is Tracy. You all know and love her. So do I! I just thought you would want to see the face of our angel. I love my sister and thank Heavenly Father for her everyday.

This is my toe ring. I have had this baby on my second toe of my right foot for at least ten years. It came off during my hospital stay. It was either that or loose the toe.

My beautiful little Christmas tree. It sat on the counter in my ICU room and I loved looking at it. My mom and sister brought it, along with a bunch of pictures of me and my family so when I woke up I would have something to look at. My family all wrote me notes on the hearts on the tree and I will cherish those forever. I have an amazing family.

This is my showcase of IVs and such.

This was the typical scene in my room. I think Trace blogged about this one. I love my hubby. He is incredible.

This is it, the best of the worst. I have a few other pictures of me in the coma but I cannot bring myself to post those. They are too hard to look at. But I am a visual person so I wanted to post something for all you visual people out there.

Our family. This is Christmas day and my first memories of waking up. Seeing Grace and being able to hold her was the perfect medicine. She is such a miracle baby.

Right after being extubated! One of the best days of my life.

My sweet sister was there when they removed my ET tube and this was just moments later, after I brushed my teeth, that is. I could open my mouth and better yet...I could CLOSE my mouth and I could smile again! My eyes are not crossed by the way....

While I was sleeping, my blood pressure dropped really low so they had to put me on BP medication to keep it up....well with all the coughing and now restricted vessels, this happened. It was so dark when I woke up that it looked like I had crossed-eyes. This was just taken yesterday, so it is healing very nicely. Today, it looks even better.

This is me now.

The night I came home from the hospital we had our first Christmas as a family of three. My sister gave Grace a book with a story of adoption. Here we are reading it together.


I thought this was funny because we are holding up Gracie's clothes and not our own. We love being parents and love our little supermodel. She has more clothes than I even know what to do with. More clothes from Grammy.

Again, thank you to you all. I had a follow-up doc appointment today and still have the pneumonia but am on the mend. My doctor kept reminding me that I almost died and that it takes time for my body to heal after something like that. I feel so blessed to be here and be among all of you! Thanks again for your love, prayers and support.

NOW, IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY, GO GET YOUR VACCINATIONS!!!!!

day 15

After 15 days in the hospital, Sarah is......home!!!! Well, almost. She is going to be staying at our parents' house for a little while and then will be home when she has some more strength. Her WBC was trending down today so she got the go ahead to be discharged. She needed some oxygen again, so she will be on oxygen at home until she has a follow-up appointment with her doctor in a couple weeks. She is tired...after everything that has happened in the last couple weeks, I think she is on sensory overload and needs to get some good sleep. Hospital rest is not the equivalent of real rest...as many of you know that have spent any time in the hospital. And yes...I know my profession gets largely blamed for that!

Well, I am happy to say that my stint as guest blogger has come to an end...there will be no more daily updates and for that I am very happy! Soon, Sarah will be back on and I know she has a lot to say. I am so glad she is home, she is feeling better, and that ultimately she is still with us. It was a very scary time and I am so glad that is behind us.

I know I talked about the "other place" in a previous post....referring to that other place that only happens to other people. Jimi's brother, Mark, talked about this when Rose was diagnosed with cancer. In every trial...you go to another place...somewhere you probably never imagined you would be. With that, you experience emotions and gain insight unlike ever before. While this "season" may be weaning, we all know that trials are a part of life and everyone will have their fair share.

Yesterday when I went to visit Sarah, I didn't go through the ICU waiting room on my way like I had every day before. I was thinking about that waiting room....all the hours we spent there. In the 2 weeks, Sarah was there, we saw a lot of families come and go. I remember one of the earlier days and seeing a family that was elated because their loved one was off the vent and was beginning to talk. I watched them all hugging each other and so very happy. I remember another time walking in one night and hearing loud sobs from another family. Hearing this woman cry was heart wrenching. Then there was another woman who was very kind and always sat in "her" corner. Her dad needed heart surgery, but had to wait a few days to have it. She would ask about Sarah and we would ask about her dad. We saw her routinely for about 3 days and then she wasn't there anymore. On Christmas Day, the waiting room was pretty quiet. We had both babies and Spencer there and the whole room was pretty much to ourselves.

We saw so much grief and pain, and then so much joy and relief. On the flip side, we were right there to experience these emotions first hand too. Some days I felt like there could not be any more tears (there always were though). I remember walking out of the ICU one day into that waiting room weeping. Then slowly the hope came...and 10 days later, I walked out of that waiting room ecstatic and jumping for joy. I think of all these families that I saw...I hope they are well...that whatever happened with their loved one, they are comforted and have peace. I hope many have the happy ending they were praying for. This life is so unpredictable and so precious.

Many people have asked how they can help. I know Sarah and Jimi and they will probably decline anything and say they are fine. Well, since I can put it out there on her blog...I'm going to use this as a platform!!! I heard one mother whose child passed away say she was go grateful for people who didn't just offer...but did something without being asked. They would show up with dinners ready to freeze, sit down and help her fold laundry as they were visiting, take care of the other kids while she rested, etc. I told Jimi back in those early days in the ICU that now he needed to let others serve him...which I know is always hard to sit back and do. Still Sarah and Jimi do so much for others and now we can all do our best to help them. I have loved reading every one's comments and hearing how much they love my sister. Now, let's really show it! Thank you all so very much for everything.

day 14

Gracie has some more exciting news...

My mommy is out of the ICU, is off oxygen, and is able to eat and drink!!!

Sarah is making such awesome progress. It's crazy to think that yesterday she was still on the vent. Last night, they transferred her to the Intermediate Unit. Jimi stayed the night and they were able to watch a movie before calling it a night. She was on about 3L of oxygen.

This morning she was down to 1L. She had a swallow study and did great. She called me after she was able to finally drink some ice water and she was so happy! They pulled her feeding tube...yippee! She and her physical therapist went on some walks today for her PT. They even walked down to the ICU to say hi to everyone. She is getting nebulized breathing treatments to help her lungs as well.

When I got there to see her this afternoon, she was totally off oxygen. Her heart rate was a little high and her WBC had gone up from yesterday, so they ordered a UA and another chest x-ray to make sure everything is fine. You can tell she is out of the ICU because everything...getting results... is slower. Hopefully everything is okay and she can sleep better tonight. She really wants to get home to her own bed and who can blame her for that?

They want to draw labs in the morning. Depending on how everything looks, there may be a chance that she will come home tomorrow. We are super excited, but also the nurse in me is very cautious. She was so very sick and you don't want to rush things just to end up back in the hospital again.

Sarah was reading her blog and my entries today. She was amazed at how sick she was. She doesn't remember a lot of those really bad days and for that we are so grateful. She will give you her side of everything once she feels better and is at home.

Sarah's nurse today said that Sarah looked the best out of all the H1N1 patients they have had come back from the ICU. She was amazed at her progress. We are too...but we always knew if anyone could beat this it would be our spirited Sarah. We love you Sarah Maree...hope you have sweet dreams tonight little sis.

day 13

Gracie has the best news.....

My mommy is off the ventilator!!!!

That's right...you read it correctly. Sarah is off the vent and no...she won't get trached! Jimi and I walked in this morning and her nurse, Lori, had a huge smile on her face. She said, "it's going to be a great day." I was a little confused. Jimi and I walked into Sarah's room and her RT was there. They were doing weaning tests and Sarah was passing all of them with flying colors. She was on 0 PEEP and doing all the breathing on her own...which is even harder than not being on a vent. It's like breathing through a straw. Dr. Lotten had come in before we got there and asked Sarah if she wanted to go home. Of course she said YES! He told her he was going to give her a late Christmas present and said that because she was doing so well---getting up with PT and everything else---he wanted to give this a shot. If she had a hard time, they would have to intubate again, but it didn't come to that. Thank goodness!

A small crowd gathered...Jimi, Lori, Liz (PT), Rod (the RT that put in Sarah's art line and saw her so sick on the day she was sent to the ICU, and myself. Her RT extubated her and Sarah was grinning from ear to ear. Jimi finally got to give Sarah a real kiss...nope it wasn't a 10 second frencher, but I'm sure it was the best kiss they have had in awhile. She can barely talk, but hearing her quiet, raspy voice was music to my ears!!!

Sarah wanted to surprise my parents so I called them and told them Sarah really wanted to see Gracie. (Yesterday, Dr. Lotten told Sarah that Gracie could come visit every day. He thought that would be the best medicine to help her recover. He's awesome.) So, my parents showed up with Gracie. They walked in and were talking and it took a minute and then they realized she was extubated. They started laughing and cheering. It was another great moment. Sarah was able to hold Gracie and this time Gracie didn't try to extubate her mommy!

She needs to do a lot breathing exercises to keep her lungs healthy and to help them continue to heal. She did those today and will continue for awhile. When I just talked to Jimi, she was on 3L by nasal cannula. She went on several walks with PT. She is in the best of spirits! She just wishes she could drink. That will come. They will probably do a swallow study tomorrow to make sure she isn't aspirating. She will also stay tonight in the ICU and then should transfer to the Intermediate Unit tomorrow.

What a fantastic day! After almost 2 weeks, I can finally sigh in relief. I'm so glad Sarah is doing so well. I know our prayers have been heard and we are so thankful that she is well on her way to a full recovery.

I know many people will want to visit Sarah when she is out of the ICU. Yes, she is doing wonderful, but she still has a ways to go. She needs her rest. All of her therapies will continue and she will be working hard to get out of the hospital. Please call Jimi if you really want to visit. He can let you know how the day is going and if it is a good idea. She is excited to have some quiet after being in the noisy ICU and I'm sure some long awaited, well deserved rest!

day 12

Sarah and Jimi have 21 nieces and nephews with both their families combined. Gracie is the youngest on both sides...so they have definitely earned the reputation of being the cool aunt and uncle. I know how much they are adored and in return how much they love Kate, Nick, Phoebe, Emily, Rachel, Boston, Ally, Seth, Abby, Leigh, Colbyn, Alix, Zach, Ian, Chloe, Tommy, Addie, Braxten, Spencer, and Carter. Sarah always tells me funny stories about the Jarman side...and I feel like I know them so much more because of how much she talks about them. Lance and Julie came up on Christmas Eve. Lance told her how Alix opened up all his presents and then tried to re-wrap them. When Lance and Julie confronted him, he told them he just couldn't help it. He had to do it. Sarah smiled around her ET tube and then wrote down on her clipboard that she "loves that kid."

I can only guess how much they have missed her these past 11 days...not being able to see her, talk to her, or say hi on facebook. I'm sure this has been very heavy on their hearts. My little Spencer asks every day if he can go to the hospital and give Auntie a hug. We took him up there on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and I thought for sure we would have a breach of security when he busted out of the waiting room into the ICU (luckily there was a Nemo fish in the tank that was a great distraction).

Sarah's cupboard in her room has cards and letters from nieces and nephews. It is heart warming to see words of encouragement and love from these sweet kids....just the type of good vibes she needs.

Sarah didn't sleep well last night. She got an Ambien...but too late for it to really work. She also told Jimi and I that some of the staff were yelling at each other in the hall. She told us it got so loud she asked for ear plugs. I kind of smiled and thought oh, that's the Ambien talking and didn't really believe her (sorry Sar...I just know what a fun drug Ambien can be). Then I saw the ear plugs! There was a little drama on the unit and like her nurse said..who you work with is your "family". You yell at them too, but deep down inside love each other. How many times have we all wanted or actually have yelled at our co-workers? She was really tired after PT and took a nap. She needed the rest.

So, speaking of PT, Sar got up with PT this morning and sat in the chair. She did great. She wanted to walk, but they weren't quite prepared for that so she ended up walking during the afternoon session. She walked all the way down the hall while the RT bagged her so they wouldn't have to haul the vent. As she walked, she gave the Miss America wave to the staff. Dr. Lotten just shook his head and laughed. I'm sure it's so gratifying to see progress like that in the ICU. Mom said she was in such great spirits after walking.

Everything with the plan for her care remains pretty much the same. ENT will do the trach on Monday. They usually put her vent on assist control at night and then she goes to pressure support during the day. She has her yanker's suction (that big ole wand looking thing that is used for oral suctioning) handy and suctions herself out when she needs it. Her PEEP is at 8. Like I said yesterday, (I think?) Sarah looks so good and her doctor has said that clinically she looks a lot better than what her lungs look like. That is how it's been with H1N1. These patients are sick but then they come in and literally crash. When when they do start to recover, looks are again deceiving. They have a lot of healing on the inside to do...much more than what it appears to be just looking at them. Sarah was getting sicker by the day, but I really thought her course would be like Matt and Spencer's...where they had about 5 really bad days, but then started to feel better and I kept thinking she was going to make that turn...only she didn't. I feel guilty that I didn't catch on to this...especially since I am a nurse. It is scary how this virus blind sides everyone. Her doctor has also said that roughly 99% of patients that get H1N1 will be sick and have a bad week or so, but they will recover and be fine. It's the 1%, like Sarah, that will be devastated by it. When I hear this, I still can't believe my sister was among the 1%. It's crazy still.

My mom took Sarah up a dry erase board so she wouldn't have to run out of paper again. Mom said she was writing a mile a minute tonight. Sarah still has her great sense of humor and wise cracks. We see the written word, but can't wait to hear it. I have a feeling it will be soon...

day 11

When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness." ~ Bob Hope



This will be a Christmas we will never forget. It is hard to want to have a big festive dinner and celebration with Sarah being in the hospital, so we didn't. We plan to have a belated Christmas PARTY when Sarah is home. We can't wait for that, but we did have a great day. Jimi went up to the hospital this morning and then the rest of us got there around noon.


Sarah got the greatest gift...she was able to hold her daughter! Jimi talked to her doctor, who then had to get special permission from someone higher up. We were so excited that we could surprise Sarah with a visit from her little girl. Mom got Gracie all glitzed up in a super cute outfit (of course we had to put a bow on her) and we headed up to the hospital. Amy and Craig were there and Amy was able to get the moment on video and what a moment it was. Mom, Dad, and I walked into her room first. Mom said to close her eyes for her Christmas present and Sarah could tell something really good was about to happen. Then Jimi walked in with Gracie and truly the light in Sarah's eyes were never brighter. She started to cry...we started to cry...her nurse started to cry. It was beautiful. We all laughed and cheered too and then gave the little Jarman family of 3 some time to themselves. We all think about presents this time of year, but really it is all about the presence of loved ones being near and remembering the life of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We have all felt His love and mercy like never before these past 11 days.


Yesterday was a day when Sarah's spirits seemed down. I can't even imagine how hard it is to be in the ICU on Christmas. I felt so bad leaving her last night. I think seeing Gracie was the boost that she needed.


I talked about Sarah's CT results yesterday. Seeing how sick her lungs still are, we know it will take longer on the vent to let them heal. Dr. Lotten talked to Sarah this morning about a tracheostomy or "trach". This is a stoma that is just below her vocal chords into her trachea. Having an ET tube in is very uncomfortable and a trach would very much help in that regard. It would also help with decreasing any infection that could migrate from her ET tube that is in now. She will be on the ventilator, then they could even go to a trach mask (where oxygen comes out of a mask that is right by her trach...there is no pressure support). They can wean the FiO2 on a trach mask and then put a nose on it (a cap) to see how Sarah does all on her own before eventually decannulating her. It's our hope that the process will go quickly, but again we will take things as they come. Sarah totally agreed to the trach. She is such a trooper.


So, looks like an ENT doctor will do the trach on Monday. If she is stable with the trach, she will stay in ICU another day and then she could get transferred to the Intermediate Unit.


Her PEEP was at 10 today, but FiO2 was down to 40%. Again...it's a tweaking game. Some numbers go up and other go down. Clinically she looks so much better than what her CT and
X-ray show.


She had a full day with family visiting. Craig and Amy stopped by. Mom and I washed her hair. Ryan read her all her facebook messages and comments on her blog (keep them coming! They mean so much to her!) We helped her open up her presents. She is worn out. They were going to give her an Ambien to help her get some good rest. Oh Ambien...she definitely will have visions of sugar plums dancing in her head! We love you Sarah. Your recovery is the Christmas miracle everyone has been praying for!

day 10

Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come. ~Joseph F. Smith

I love this quote that Sarah has at the top of her blog. How true this rings right now. We want nothing more than to snap our fingers and have her well again. We are learning a whole different lesson in patience. Yes, we are so grateful for the progress Sarah has made....SO grateful. We just wish she was out of the discomfort she is in....both physical and emotional. We want her home so she can hold her baby, cuddle up with Roxy, and be with Jimi...to be able to sleep in her own bed and let her be in control. I know it is so hard for her to not be able to move like she would like, to talk, to drink. She is so thirsty, but she can't drink because it would end up in her lungs and the last thing her sick lungs need is more fluid in them. I can only imagine not having a drink for 10 days and how much you would just want something to drink..food you can do without, but thirst is something you can't deny. When I was saying goodbye to her tonight I told her she had better get some good sleep or Santa wouldn't come. She got her clipboard and wrote "water from Santa?". Oh Sarah. We love that your sense of humor is back in full force.

The roller coaster continues. Yesterday was such a good day. Today wasn't a bad day..but it wasn't fabulous either. Sarah was really tired this morning. She didn't sleep well last night. Everything was about the same. She was down to a PEEP of 6 and about 70% oxygen...the FiO2 has fluctuated here and there. Labs looked good. Her chest x-ray wasn't improved and there was still a lot of fluid on her lungs. Dr. Lotten wanted to get a CT to see get a better view. Sar got up with PT. She was awesome and did everything she was asked. She sat up in bed for awhile. She was pretty exhausted after PT and with not sleeping well last night. She got some fentanyl and then rested up for her roadtrip to CT.

Jimi went with her down to CT. The results came back and were not good. Today's CT wasn't worse than the one she had last week, but it really wasn't very much improved. There was still a lot of fluid collections. Her lungs are still very, very sick. She will probably need to be on the vent longer than we had hoped. It's discouraging and I know it is even more discouraging for Sarah.

They also did a bronchoscopy tonight by her instensivist, Felix. He said there wasn't as much mucous, as there was swelling. He sent a sample for culture down to the lab. If something comes back bacterial, they will be able to start the right antibiotics that will kill that bug. So again...her lungs are very inflamed and will need longer to heal. The doctors have told us this is the case for H1 patients. The virus hits their lungs and literally explodes into every area, affecting every lobe. Then when the acute phase is over, the recovery can be very slow as the lungs repair themselves from all the damage the virus caused. Again...a lesson in patience.

The plan for tonight is to put her back on assist control on the vent to let her get some rest. They have increased her PEEP to 10 to help give her more support as well. I also talked to her nurse and we developed a sign to let him know if she needed pain meds. If anyone visits and she gives the thumbs down sign, it means "I would love some fentanyl pretty please." We hope that she has a good, restful night. Her body needs it so much.

Sarah loves Christmas Eve. In the Wadman family, we get a bunch of finger foods and play games, watch a movie, and hang out. It is always so much fun. Tonight, we had Cafe Rio in the cafeteria. As we were sitting there, a family came up and gave us each an orange. The children were dressed up as angels, shepherds, wise men, there was Joseph, and Mary was holding her doll. They explained that their daughter was involved in a car accident 10 years ago and was ejected. They were told she would not make it....but she did. She walked out of the hospital 2 months later. They spent a Christmas there at the hospital. Since then, every Christmas Eve, they perform the nativity and hand out oranges to the other visitors in the cafeteria. I had to look away and hold back the tears. How amazing...how wonderful of them to spread Christmas cheer to complete strangers.

There are angels all around us. When I walked into the ICU tonight, I stopped and talked to a nurse that had Sarah last Wednesday and Thursday. As I was talking to Riki, she told me she was so happy that Sarah was doing so much better. She was really worried about her when she came in. The next day after she was done working, she went to the temple and put Sarah's name on the prayer roll. And...I started to cry. How amazing...how wonderful for her to do that for a patient.

After we had our Christmas Eve dinner, we all hung out just down the hall from the ICU in one of the clinic waiting areas. We would take turns going in to see Sar. The babies were happy being held, Spencer was running down that super long hallway or coloring, and the guys were throwing the football around. It felt good to be there close to Sarah. Ruth, Skyler, and Bennett showed up with gifts for Sarah and Jimi. How amazing and wonderful for their great friendship and for spending part of their Christmas Eve at the hospital with Sarah and Jimi.

I have been a nurse for 10 years and the lessons I have learned in the past 10 days are something I will never forget. To be on the flip side---the patient side is something very humbling. I learned some of these lessons back in August when my baby was in the NICU for 5 days. It was hard and I worried, but I never felt fear as I have since Sarah has been hospitalized. I have learned how much families put all their trust in the doctors, nurses, and therapists caring for their loved one. I have said so many prayers for those that are caring for my sister...that they will be competent, caring, and focused on her care. I have become even more thankful for modern medicine...for ventilators, for IV pumps, for IV catheters, for foley catheters, for medicine, for labs work, for CT's, for X-rays...basically for everything I have taken for granted because it seems so day to day for me. My eyes have been opened to what I never really could understand before. I am thankful too for those working at the hospital on holidays. Being there tonight, I was grateful for the cafeteria workers, housekeepers, respiratory therapists, nurses, doctors...everyone. Spencer ran up to a housekeeper and asked if she "would help his auntie". The housekeeper was so kind and wished us a Merry Christmas. I will never complain about working a holiday again.

This may not be the Christmas we had ever thought of having, but it will definitely be one that we will remember the love poured out by all our family, friends, and strangers. My Christmas wish has come true...Sarah is healing. Merry Christmas.

day 9

I have a confession. When I found out we were having another boy this past March, I was very disappointed. (I'm sorry Carter...I wouldn't trade you for anything now!) I really wanted a girl. The main reason was because I think we are going to be done after 3...that meant I needed to have two girls so they could each have a sister. And why did I feel so sad about this? Because I know how much I love my sister. The bond we share is so strong. We love our four brothers very much, but truly sisterhood is something that is very unique. My sister and my mom are my best friends. I feel very lucky to have such a close relationship with them both. We love hanging out together. I always look forward to being with them...and it doesn't matter what we do...it's always fun.

This is a picture taken in 1983. I am 7 and Sarah is 1. I am the third in line...with 2 brothers older and two younger. When Sarah was born, I was ecstatic. I could not wait to have a sister. I had a cradle for my dolls. Well Sarah became my real live doll. I remember putting her in there from time to time. Since there is a 6 year age difference, I quickly became a bratty teenager who wanted nothing to do with my kid sister. I would get mad that she was always in my business and telling on me for everything. I wanted to spend all my time with my friends and least of all my family. I went off to college and I remember how things seemed to change all of a sudden. I realized that I really was a brat and how much my family meant to me. I don't remember when exactly, but one day instead of thinking of her as a pest and my annoying little sister, she became my best friend whom I admired and loved so much. Now most of my memories are of all the great times we have had, the times when we have leaned on each other for support, laughed so hard, and cried and cried and cried when times were hard.

Before Jimi and Sarah got married, we were able to take a couple trips together. One was to Kentucky to see our friends, Adam and Lisa. We had so much fun. One day we rented a car and drove down to Nashville. We learned that the semi drivers there are rather...rude. They will fly by in the fast lane (isn't that illegal?) only to cut you off abruptly and then proceed to lose all their speed when going over the next hill. You can't get over in the fast lane because oh look here comes another semi riding my tail only to do what his friend before him just did. This happened over and over. We were leaving Nashville and heading back to Adam and Lisa's in Lexington. We were driving along and all of a sudden this same scenario played out again. Only this time the idiot almost caused an accident. I was ticked, but after voicing my frustrations colorfully, I was over it. Well Sarah wasn't. When I passed him, I looked over at her and she was giving him the bird. She is giving him the extended version all while making eye contact with him. (I hope her Bishop isn't reading this!) The truck driver was not happy. I started to scream about how he was going to call his other hill billy buddies and our little Corolla would be boxed in, forced off the road, and ultimately we would die in the backwoods of Kentucky. Well, we didn't die in the backwoods that night. We sped away from that crazy man and laughed and laughed all the way back to the Schwebach's.

I have missed hearing Sarah laugh. We all know how infectious it is. Well, today Jimi and I arrived around our usual time. She was very much alert and calm. She was responding so well and mouthing her words. She would also use her hands to try to explain what she was trying to say. She smiled when I talked to her about Gracie. She made funny facial expressions with her eyes. She joked about trying to take out her ET tube. Can I tell you how elated I was to see her back? I didn't know how I was going to deal with seeing her so agitated and scared like the day before. That was horrible to see her like that.

It wasn't a good day...it was a great day. The plan for the day was to wean her PEEP from 8 to 6 by the day's end. They changed her fentanyl to PRN (as needed). They wanted her to get up with PT twice. They started Lasix (a diuretic). She is very swollen from all the fluids she has been getting. We gave her a clipboard to write on, but her little fingers are just too swollen. Her creatinine was coming down. They didn't do a chest x-ray this morning, but will tomorrow.

PT came when I was there this morning. Sarah was amazing. She did everything the therapist asked. She was able to pretty much stand on her own with just a little help. She walked side to side by her bed with the walker and people there to help keep her steady. She showed so much strength after all she has been through. I was so proud of my little sister...and I loved to be there cheering her on.

Jimi stayed and I left. I walked out to the car walking on air. I think my smile was a mile wide. Finally after 8 days of being hospitalized, Sarah was back and totally the Sarah we love and adore. When I went back that night with my parents, I was so excited for them to see all the progress Sarah had made in a day. I couldn't wait for them to be able to communicate with her.

Sarah's feistiness is back and in full force. She would make her eyes really big to object to something. I asked if she wanted me to take a picture of her and she stuck out her tongue for the camera. She signed the letters of the alphabet that she wanted a Diet Coke. She wanted to watch Modern Family. It was so sweet to see my parents so relieved and happy to see Sarah so well on her way to recovery. My dad just stood there and cried...happy tears and tears of gratitude. When we left, we asked if she wanted to have a prayer. She nodded and pointed to my dad to say it. These past 9 days we have all said so many prayers pleading for Sarah to get better. Tonight, my dad offered the most wonderful prayer of humility and thanks that our prayers were answered.

She was down to 6 on her PEEP when we left. Her FiO2 was at 60%. She is on her way to coming off the vent...and we wish we knew when that would be. Getting her up and working with PT will help the most and Sarah is rising to the challenge. I cannot contain the pride I have in my little sister. You are inspiring Sarah and we will be here for you every step of the way.

day 8

Look at these two....like peas and carrots. Jimi has been a part of our family for over a decade now. He and Sarah were high school sweethearts. Then Jimi went on his mission to Florida and it was a common sight to see Sarah writing him letters, sending packages, and giddy with excitement when she would come back from the mailbox with a letter from her Jimi. We were laughing the other night remembering when Jimi sent her a package. Sarah was ecstatic. She carefully opened the package and found a box inside. She opened the box to see a stuffed alligator head! Now most girls would probably freak out and possibly a Dear John letter would soon follow...not Sarah. She loved that little alligator head. It was proudly displayed on a shelf in her room. Then when they bought their condo, it was on top of their entertainment center. I think I would have gone for a different decorating accent, but it meant the world to Sarah.

I have mentioned before in a post how great Jimi is. How great he is to know and be related to, but also even greater is how he treats Sarah with such love and tenderness. Jimi has had a crash course in nursing, medicine, pharmacy, respiratory therapy, and physical therapy this past week. I am so proud of how he has handled everything. He has developed such a great rapport with everyone caring for Sarah. He is so positive and happy. Sure there have been some very tearful and scary moments, but Jimi is always the first to wipe his tears and then smile and laugh. There have been some dark times, but more recently those are far being eclipsed by happy ones.

When Sarah was admitted, she wanted me to take a picture of her in her hospital bed. The next day when she was on bipap, she wanted another picture. Here she is on the way to the ICU with a big mask over her face and a big smile that you can see only with her eyes. When things were so scary, I couldn't bring myself to take a picture of her intubated. When the downward spiral of events seem to halt, one night I took a few pictures. I won't post them out of respect for my sister. I'll let her choose what to she wants to do with them. But, let me explain one of the pictures of Sarah and Jimi. I was sitting in a chair a little further back in the corner of the room. Jimi is sitting right by Sarah holding her hand and talking to her. With all her tubes, machines, and wires, he is looking at her like she is the most gorgeous girl in the world. It has got to be the sweetest picture of what love is all about....through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse...but most importantly for eternity.

Jimi is Sarah's knight in shining armor. He gives her so much strength....even more so now. I have always admired the love they share. Sarah got married before me and seeing the marriage she and Jimi have was something that I wanted in my own life. This morning, I got off of work and stopped by the hospital. I was sitting there talking to Sar...she is much more aware of things now. She responds when we talk and touch her. I told her I would stay till Jimi came. I asked her if she was excited to see Jimi and she nodded yes. I then told her that he was probably on the Interstate and she smiled (it cracks Sarah up that Jimi always says, "I'm on the Interstate 15" instead of I-15).

Another good day to report. Like I said, she is becoming much more aware. She is still very sleepy, but responds much quicker. She will open her eyes, nod her head, smile, move her arms and legs. She wakes up panicked and we have to explain about the ET tube and she will usually settle back down and then go back to sleep. It is so hard to see her restrained, scared, and uncomfortable. Having someone there helps her calm down. She needed a whiff of Propofol last night to help her sleep. Today they turned it back off. She is on a vent setting that is allowing her to be in more control of breathing on her own and then the vent will kick in to help her initiate a breath or breath deeper. Her PEEP was turned down to 9 and her respiratory rate is also down which is good. The RT wanted to be a little more aggressive with weaning the vent today, but her doctor is being more cautious. Her lungs have been so sick. They really need the time to heal. As much as we and Sarah want that tube out, she still very much needs it.

Her labs were stable with no big changes. Her chest x-ray looked a little better. She is continuing to get IV fluid to help flush her kidneys. When someone has been really sick, cells that have been attacked by the virus and the virus cells themselves die. In addition, her muscles haven't been used in a while and a process called rhabdomylisis occurs where the cells lyse and die. Excreting these cells through the kidneys puts stress on them. This is probably why her creatinine has been a little high. She seems to be in the recovery phase of her illness and all her body systems have taken a hit. It will take time for everything to heal.

She sat up by the side of her bed twice today with PT. She wasn't a fan and was wiped out afterward. They put her vent back on assist control so it would do most of the work tonight to let her really rest. They are going to try to walk her in the next couple days. She will be bagged by the RT so they don't have to roll the vent beside her. PT will also work with her for a couple days when she is out of the ICU to help her transition to home when the time comes.

One of Sarah's favorite quotes is by Dr. Seuss.

"You know you are in love when you can't sleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." Thanks to Jimi, I would have to say my sister has been sleep deprived since the day they met.

day 7

One of Sarah's all time favorite movies is "While You Were Sleeping." She loves it. I love it. We laugh and laugh about all the great one liners, facial expressions, dialogue, and the characters. Like Elsie...."I don't drink any more...then again I don't drink any less." Or when Jack says..."first I knocked the squirrels out of a tree..then I saved them"...Or when they find out Peter only had one testicle "on the brightside he has more room in his jockey shorts". And the whole "leaning" conversation with Joe Jr. It's such a great movie. I made sure I put it in the bag of stuff when Sarah first was admitted to help her pass the time.

Only she didn't get to watch it...instead she's been the one sleeping....sleeping these last 5 days. The good news is our sleeping beauty is waking up! Today was a good day and she had a good night last night. Her FiO2 was down to 40%....they did bump it back up to 45% when they decreased her PEEP to 10. Her WBC was stable at 8. Her creatinine went up a smidge so they adjusted what IV fluids she was getting and then also increased the rate to flush those kidneys. They dc'd one of her PICC lines. The plan was to maybe dc her art line too. Her blood pressures have been stable on her own. They also started PT (phyical therapy). She is very weak. Today they had her sitting at the side of her bed. Her nurse even said she was trying to help them by bracing herself with her hands. PT will come twice a day to work with her. The plan is to get her up to standing tomorrow.

She just has her fentanyl now to help with pain. The Ativan is wearing off and she is becoming more aware. She responds to her name and will follow commands. Being intubated is not pleasant...but hopefully they will be able to continue to wean her PEEP and get her off it soon. Again...who knows, but she is really headed in the right direction. We are so happy! It feels so nice to be able to hear good news. The past week has been a downward spiral and it's nice to see some progress in the other direction. Sarah is one tough cookie. She can do it and we know she will.

Sarah is the 3rd 20-something patient they have had in the ICU at McKay with H1N1 complications. At any given time, they usually have 2-3 patients with H1N1. All have had to be intubated. I know that everyone that hears about Sarah is shocked. I was. I still can't believe my sister is in the ICU on a ventilator. It feels like a bad dream and everything is in slow motion at times. I work at PCMC and the whole Intermountain system has been gearing up for huge influxes of the swine flu. We had to sign up for extra mandatory on-call shifts if it got bad...and they predicted it would. Only it didn't. I chalked up all the hype to a lot of media attention and being a little over zealous. Well, after my family had it (and I only was really sick for a day because I had the vaccination, but my little boy and husband had high fevers for 5 days) and now seeing Sarah's course, it has scared the crap out of me. The intensivists say this is the second surge of H1N1 and they expect another in a few months and think it will be even more virulent. The virus is changing and mutating making it more difficult to treat, but even more scary is how devastating it is to young, healthy adults. My message is to get vaccinated. Get your family vaccinated. If you are sick and feel guilty about missing work, church, or a family get together...think of Sarah. I would never have in a million years guessed this would happen to anyone I knew...let alone my baby sister. This may just be a winter where we don't go out a lot and watch a lot of our favorite chick flicks. And you know "While You Were Sleeping" will rank heavy on the playlist.

Thanks again for all your prayers, well-wishes, for fasting, and for putting Sarah's name on the prayer rolls at the temple. I cry when I hear all of this. We have heard of temples all across the country with Sarah Jarman added to the prayer roll. Thank you so very much.

day 6

3 months ago this little cutie healed Sarah's heart in a way that only a woman struggling with infertility can truly understand. Gracie brought so much joy into Sarah and Jimi's life when she was born. Now 3 months later, this little girl is helping to heal our hearts while they have been breaking when we feel so helpless watching Sarah fight for her life. One look at her big smile melts our hearts. Being around her makes us happy. It helps us to feel closer to Sarah. Gracie...you are such a joy in our world. I know you will be the best therapy for your mommy when she gets better.

I know this is late...we stayed later at the hospital tonight. Sarah had another stable night. Felix's plan worked. He decreased her PEEP to 12 and she was able to tolerate it well. Her FiO2 was turned down to 40%. When Jimi and I walked in to her room this morning, we saw the numbers and again said a prayer of thanksgiving. They turned off her Roc (the paralytic) and also the Ativan (another sedative). Now she is just on fentanyl. She was moving her feet and hands. When we called her name, she would try to open her eyes. It's like when your eyes are so heavy and you can barely open them. Seeing her respond made me so happy. It was awesome to be able to see her slowly coming back. Pam was her nurse and she had Sarah a few days ago and it was wonderful to hear the enthusiasm in her voice on the progress Sarah has made.

Her chest x-ray was slightly improved today. She remains afebrile. Her lungs are able to handle her PEEP so Dr. Hoffman wanted to back off a little and not make any changes. She wanted to give her a day to just rest again and will look to making changes on the ventilator tomorrow if Sarah continues to do well.

When checking labs, her creatinine was a little high. Creatinine is a test that measures kidney function. Dr. Hoffman was on top of it and had her labs checked again tonight. It had gone up again slightly. They are going to check it again in the middle of the night and if it has continued to rise, Dr. Hoffman will write for some medicine to help decrease it and also some more IV fluid to help flush the kidneys. Sarah is not in kidney failure by any means right now. This is just something that is on the radar and is going to be addressed and will be managed appropriately. It is concerning, but we have all the faith in her doctors. They know what they are doing.

It was a great visit tonight. I gave Sarah a pedicure and I told her this had to prove how much I love her because I hate feet. There are only a couple times back in nursing school when I wanted to vomit....going to a senior citizen health fare in Wendover and doing foot care was one of them. I was using the jaws of life to cut these long, yellow toenails made of steel. While I was gagging at the sound of "clip" and dodging flying shards of clippings, my friend Michelle was happily doing blood sugars....Michelle you owe me still and yes I know it was 11 years ago (I will never forget). So, I gave Sar a foot massage and it was cute how she would pull her feet back because they were ticklish. I painted them a festive red right in time for Christmas. Mom and I helped give her a bath and Mom braided her hair. It was so heart warming to spend that time with my sister and my Mom. It was definitely a great way to end the day....just us girls hanging out.

Everyone keeps asking what the timeline is....again we don't know. The doctors don't know. The nurses don't know. No one knows. She is still relying heavily on the vent. Again, we are praying for every little step in the right direction. In the grand scheme of things, she has yards to go and each step is in inches. We'll take inches. We'll take millimeters if it is forward instead of back!

We all went to church today...each in our own wards. Jimi and Steve were even able to attend Sacrament meeting at the hospital. Hearing the Christmas program was wonderful. I think it was exactly the spiritual upliftment that we needed. It's been such a hard week and oh how our lives have changed in just one week. I love Silent Night...it's one of my favorite Christmas songs. As I sang it today the words "all is calm...all is bright" took on a different meaning. I have felt so much peace in the last several days. Amidst all the despair at times, it is so gratifying to have the gospel to help us feel calm when these last days have been such a roller coaster. And all is bright...our Sarah is still here.

day 5

Dear Mommy...

We love you! Fight, Fight, Fight!!! We miss you so much.

Love,

Gracie and Roxy

We are calling today "cautiously optimistic". Sarah had a good night. Her intensivist for the night (Felix) decided to try something to get her oxygen weaned. He increased her PEEP from 13 to 15. Her lung compliance and peak pressures were okay and he felt her lungs could handle it. His goal was to get her FiO2 down to 65% by morning. Mom, Dad, Jimi, and I said goodnight to Sar and headed home praying, praying, praying this would work. We all ended our fast last night and went to bed thinking of our sleeping beauty.

Jimi and I got to the hospital around 0830. We first saw Crystal, Sarah's RT. She was happy to tell us that they were able to wean her FiO2 to 60% (Sarah has always been an overachiever and she is keeping up that reputation now. We are so proud!). Her PEEP was still at 15. Her peak pressure and compliance pressures were also still doing well...she was handling the increase of PEEP.

We then went into Sarah's room and got to talk to her nurse, Lori. Lori also had Sarah yesterday so it was nice to have some continuity of care and see a familiar face. Since she hasn't had a fever for 2 days, she is off isolation. We are able to go into her room and not have to gown, glove, and put on masks. It was so nice for Jimi and I to just sit by her and hold her hands and really feel her. The first thing we noticed was how warm her hands and feet were. Lori was able to wean down her Levophed (Norepinephrine) because her body was better able to keep her blood pressure up on it's own. As a result of the better perfusion, her hands and feet were warm instead of being cool, which they had been since she got to ICU. This was another thing to be very grateful for.

Sarah was repositioned when Jimi and I were at her bedside. I cringed inside...this has been so hard on her. Well, they were able to put her on her side while they propped up the pillows and her sats went down to 86...not in the 40's like before. I loved seeing that 86%! She came back up to mid 90's in less than 5 minutes. That was another little thing that again we were so happy to see.

In rounds, Dr. Hoffman showed us Sarah's x-ray this morning. It looked about the same as yesterday....had not improved, but it also wasn't any worse. Of course we would like to see some improvement, but the fact that it wasn't worse was good news to us. Because of still be afebrile, it looks like she is responding to the anti-viral. Her WBC (white blood count) was very low when she was admitted and was like that for the last several days. This is very bad because it basically is saying that her body is so stressed from the virus and not able to fight it off with her white blood cells. Today it went up and into the normal range.

She seemed to be a little too sedated and so her propofol infusion was stopped. You all know propofol...the Michael Jackson drug. They also wanted to try some breathing treatments...aerosol inhaled medicines that help the alveoli to open up more to see how that could also help the picture so that was started today.

They also weren't able to make her feeding tube an NJ because they weren't able to roll her on her side to help the tube get into her small intestine, but today they could and got it in her jejunum. This is where you want it so she won't throw up (an aspiration would be very bad). Jimi said that on x-ray the tube made a little "S" where it is in her stomach. He and Lori laughed about that...a little monogrammed feeding tube just for Sarah to show up on her x-rays every morning!

Jimi's older brother, Steve, flew in from St. Louis this morning. Steve is an ICU nurse of 18 years...he knows way more about all this ICU stuff than I do. It's so great to have another person to see Sarah's condition and ask important questions. Steve is another great advocate for Sarah.

So, the plan for the day was to continue to try to decrease her FiO2 and see how that went. They were able to get her down to 50% when I left tonight. She is also off her Leophed! In fact she went a little hypertensive, so they increased her Ativan a little. Felix wanted to also try decreasing her PEEP to 12 and seeing how she tolerated that. He also wanted to back off on her Rocuronium. Those are the plans for the night.

We all want to jump for joy...but can't yet. She still isn't out of the woods and is still so sick. However, we are so very grateful for the day she had. Every little improvement is a step in the right direction. You rock Sar. We are so proud of you and the fighter that you are.

Thank you again for all your prayers, for fasting for Sarah, and keeping her in your thoughts. I went into the chapel right by the ICU yesterday and I felt so much strength when I prayed. I don't think I have ever offered such fervent prayers in my whole life.

Thanks also to amazing friends and family for all their support. Thank you Sue and Danny for visiting. Thank you Adam and Lisa for being the best friends ever and for bringing bagels and Lisa's famous homemade beef jerky! Thank you Liz for bringing pizzas over to the house for the family. Thank you to Steve and Mark for being there for Jimi and all you do. Thank you to my West Jordan girlfriends for a fun lunch date and helping me laugh, talk, and cry.

What wonderful people we are surrounded by. We always knew we had an amazing family and the best of friends. It is so comforting to have you all in our lives. Thank you doesn't seem sufficient, but please accept it on behalf of all us Wadman's and Jarman's.

day 4

Another long day at the hospital. It feels a little sad when the hospital almost becomes a "home". I remember feeling that way when Carter was born and the motony of everything, waiting, eating...everything there at the hospital. It feels like a prison...yet you don't want to leave. Just being there feels like you are doing something...if anything. The hours tick by...sometimes slow and sometimes fast. We all have come and gone. Jimi is there first thing in the morning and leaves last at night. Could Sarah have a better husband? We don't think so. We love you Jimi! You are the best!

Again here's the 24 hour recap:

Sarah had fairly decent night. She was able to rest better being ventilated, but still was having a hard time with any movement. She gets a chest x-ray every morning and to even help her lean forward to put the x-ray plate behind her back caused her sats to plummet. She also was requiring about the same % of oxygen...between 80-100%. She still continued to cough and was somewhat restless. Another thing that was concerning was her ventilator settings. She was requiring a lot of PEEP (positive end expiratory pressure) to keep her lungs from collapsing..it keeps those little alveoli in the lungs open. PEEP is like blowing up a balloon and not letting it completely deflate before blowing it up again. One of our RT's told us that when you get the wind knocked out of you...it's really getting the PEEP knocked out of you.

Jimi and I were there for morning rounds. Can I just tell you how much I love the staff at McKay? Jimi and I were able to be there with the whole multi-diciplinary team (the dietician, pharmacist, RT, case manager, intensivist, and Sarah's RN) and hear the whole picture. They talked about the medications she is on. They have her on an anti-viral called Tamivar. If this doesn't work, they can try another drug but will have to get the clear from the CDC to use it since it is so new. They have her on some big gun antibiotics to cover any bacterial infection. She is getting medicine to prevent blood clots. Basically...they are on top of every problem and also trying to prevent other from happening.

Dr. Hoffman showed us Sarah's chest x-ray from this morning. Compared to the one from last night, this one looked slightly better....nothing substantial...but it was a small step in the right direction. Every little victory is something we will gladly take.

We discussed the condition of her lungs. With requiring that much PEEP, they know that her lungs are very sick and getting stiff from all the crap in them. They talked about putting her on a different ventilator...called an oscillator. This delivers tiny rapid puffs into the lungs to keep the alveoli open while also vibrating super fast. That was a possibility, but as the day progressed, she has not had to go on that. They have it outside her room just in case...and if you are a nurse you know that having things right outside the room is the best thing you can do to ward off actually needing them!

They added a paralytic to her many infusions this morning. It is called Rocuronium (Craig said it sounds like a cool album title...yes I would agree!). The hope was that having Sarah completely unable to move would help her not resist the vent and also to better tolerate being moved. After being on it for an hour, they did start to see some improvement.

The goal for the day was to let her rest and see if the paralytic would work. It seems to have definetly helped. They were able to turn her and give her a bath tonight with much better results than the last 2 nights. She is tolerating movement more. She is still requiring a lot of PEEP and in fact tonight the intensivist ordered it to be bumped up a little more. He did this with the intent of hopefully being able to come down on her FiO2.

So...right now it's hurry up and wait--- which is so hard. Sarah is very, very sick. I don't want to scare everyone, but she is literally in the fight of her life right now. It breaks our hearts to see her this way. I think I have wiped out the ICU waiting room's stock of kleenex! We have been told that it could go either way...these sudden changes are typical for H1N1 patients.

Because this disease is so new, Sarah is one of the pioneers in the treatment for other patients to come. What is happening to her and others will help doctors see trends in the future and will help them better care for these patients based on what they have learned right now. Every patient is different...some are vented for a few days, other for a few weeks, and yes some have died. We know Sarah will make it. She is our feisty girl! We just don't know what the course will be...all bets are off. It's literally waiting for the smallest of improvements and then looking to the next.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your calls, emails, comments, flowers, and everything else mean so much. Thank you Ruth, Skyler, Bennett, Liz, Jimmy, and Craig for visiting. Sarah is one special girl to have so many people rallying for her.

day 3

Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful?

I love this picture of Sarah and Gracie. It is just so Sarah...beautiful, happy, full of life, and glowing with love from being a mommy. We love our Sar so much.

Here's the recap of the last 24 hours:

Last night, Sarah was given a bed bath and she had a really hard time handling being moved...even just side to side in bed. She would have intense coughing episodes and she was coughing up a lot--which is good, but unfortunately her O2 (oxygen) sats would just drop and then it would take her awhile for her sats to get back up and over 90% and to where they were before. She was just so tired and weak. Her nurse told us again that she was riding a fine line between needing to be on a ventilator to give her some rest. She was holding steady for the time being, but again was being closely monitored. Jimi and I kissed her goodnight and left for the night....which is so hard. I feel so helpless being there and not being able to do anything, but at least we are there. It's so hard to leave her.

When Jimi got to the hospital this morning, Sarah had a fairly good night. She didn't have any fevers and her last one was the previous afternoon. That was great! She has pretty much been febrile since she was admitted. A fever would break--only to rev up again. So to be afebrile was a small victory. Along with not having a fever (and also correlating) was that her heart rate was coming down. It was in the 120-130's when she was admitted and remained like that for a day before this morning when it was in the 90's. Her FiO2 (percentage of oxygen) was also turned down. This made us feel good and think that things were getting better.

Well, after they completed ICU rounds, Dr. Hoffman (the Intensivist) talked with me and Jimi. She showed us Sarah's chest x-ray from this morning compared to the one when she was admitted. It was worse. The pneumonia was encompassing more of both lungs. She also had some focalizations (dense, hazy spots) on her right lung that were new. She was also having a hard time keeping her oxygen sats up when they took the bipap off for her to cough or even take a sip of water. Her sats would plummet to the 60's and then slowly recover back up to 90%. Dr. Hoffman said she thought it was better to get her intubated and on the vent now when they were one step ahead, rather than doing it emergently later on. Sarah was being a trooper...but it was obvious that she was tiring...she was just working so hard and she needed some well deserved rest.

Things moved quickly and the decision was made to put her on the vent. Now this was done mainly to let her lungs rest and let the vent do all the work so she can recover and save her energy for getting better. Jimi was able to hold her hand and give her a kiss and I told her to have some sweet dreams on all those drugs (when you are intubated, you are put in a medically induced "coma"---you are put on a drip for pain, a drip to keep you sleepy, and sometimes a drip to paralyze you so you can't move) and we would be anxiously waiting for her to wake up and feeling a whole lot better. That was so hard leaving her and knowing when we went back we wouldn't be able to talk to her. I never want to live that experience over ever again.

They got her intubated and then along with the ET tube (the breathing tube), they also placed an NG tube (nasogastric tube) to her stomach so her tummy wouldn't get full of air while being ventilated. Jimi and I went back to see her and she was slightly conscious...sometimes nodding when the RT would talk to her. She coughing a lot and getting used to the vent. They put her on a fentanyl drip and once that got going, she was able to calm down more.

Remember when I talked about her chest x-ray and the new spots on her right lung? Well, Dr. Hoffman was concerned that Sarah might have a PE (a pulmonary embolism---a blood clot in her lung) and she wanted to do a CT (cat scan) to see exactly what it was. This was another scary thing. She went on a "roadtrip" (what we call going to a procedure on a different floor with all the equipment) to radiology and had the CT done. The good news is it wasn't a PE...THANK GOODNESS. The bad news is that they were able to see just how bad her pneumonia is and it is worse than they had originally thought from her x-rays. It's much higher up and more dense.

When she got back from CT, they placed an NJ tube (nasojejunum). This goes from her nose to her small intestine so she can get "oral" nutrition while she is on the ventilator. This is so good--now so she can get some real calories and in time her strength back up.

The whole fam has been able to see her and for that we are so grateful. Jimi's brother, Mark came up tonight and it was so nice to have him visit. Sarah and Jimi's bishop also came by and that was also so great. It's so awesome to know how much she and Jimi are loved.

For now, our Sarah needs to rest. We don't know how long she will be on the ventilator. With every H1N1 case they have seen...the course is different. There are no predictions at this point. Seeing a perfectly healthy 27 year old so sick is scary. Things are being evaluated every hour to see where to go and what to do. The doctors, nurses, RT's, and staff at McKay have been wonderful. We know Sarah is in great hands. They have been very progressive in getting Sarah the care she needs and looking ahead to making sure they always have a plan.

Mark, Jimi, Matt, and I were sitting in the cafeteria tonight and having a very tender conversation. It has been a very emotional day. I love learning from other people....their insights..their wisdom...their advice. It was so neat to see Mark giving Jimi that "brotherly love." He talked about the "other side"...the side where only bad things happen to other people. The Jarman family has been through a lot this year and have been such an amazing example of enduring and rising above their trials since Rose was diagnosed with breast cancer this past spring. I hope Mark and Rose don't mind me mentioning this. Now we know what the other side feels like...when you feel so full of hope one minute and utter despair the next....where you see how sick your loved one is and you have absolutely no control...

But we do have control...we have control in relying on our Saviour to help us through this trying time. We have control in turning to Him to give us peace and comfort. We have control in knowing that there is great power in prayer. Yes, we place our trust in the machines, people, and medicines that are keeping our Sarah alive, but more importantly we place our hearts, our faith, and our prayers in Him and because of that we know Sarah will get better in time and we know that He is right there beside her comforting her while her body is healing from this horrible infection.

Mark said that people would come up to him and say they wish they could do something for him and Rose. He told them, "you already are by praying for her" and that meant the world to him. Now it means the world to us that you are all keeping Sarah in your prayers. We feel it and I know she feels it too.

update on sarah

Hi, this is Tracy--Sarah's sister. I thought it would be good to try to keep the bl0g updated with how Sarah is doing and to avoid telling things over and over. Sarah hasn't been feeling well for the last 10 days or so. She went to Instacare on Saturday and was sent home with an "ear infection". She continued to get worse...fevers and horrible congestion. She went to the doctor again yesterday. Her oxgyen saturation was 82% (it should be well over 90% and close to 100%) and her chest x-ray was one of the worse the doctors have seen in awhile. She has double pneumonia (pneumonia in both lungs). Her doctor sent her immediately over to McKay Dee Hospital to be admitted.

She was admitted yesterday afternoon. She needed 2L of oxygen to keep her saturations over 90%. They started her on IV antibiotics. She continued to have fevers despite getting antibiotics. I was there till 8pm last night and Jimi stayed till about 10pm. She of course wasn't feeling well, but was stable.

My mom got a call from the hospital this morning around 8am and they were transferring her to the cardio/thoracic unit for more intense care. She was needing a lot more oxygen and the fevers were not going away. We got there around 10am and they had decided to transfer her to the ICU. She got an art line (a special IV in the artery to better monitor blood pressure), she was placed on bipap with 100% oxygen (this is one step down from a ventilator. She is able to breathe on her own, but it will give her the pressure and breaths if she needs it. It's like a mask that goes over your nose and mouth. They will hopefully be able to wean the percent of oxygen as she gets better). Matt and Jimi gave her a blessing and then shortly after she was transferred to the ICU. She got a PICC line (another special IV that goes from her arm into her heart for better IV access). They also changed her antibiotics to give her the best possible coverage to kill these bugs. Her nasal aspirate came back positive for H1N1.

She is really sick, but you know Sarah...always happy and such a trooper. We are glad she is in the ICU so she can be better monitored and if anything gets worse, they will be right on top of it. She is just really tired. She can only have 2 visitors at a time and they can only be immediate family. Once she is out of the ICU, we will let everyone know on the blog. She and Jimi laughed that she is getting the indepth tour of the hospital with being on 3 different units in less than a day. LOVE HER!

Send her a text, email, or a comment here on her blog. I know she will love to feel such great vibes from her dear family and friends. I will continue to keep this updated so everyone can keep up on our girl.

Jimi was in Vegas yesterday when she was admitted, but flew home that night. Gracie is doing great...just hanging out at Grama's and Aunt Carrie's!

I know Sarah and Jimi appreciate all your love, support, and PRAYERS! Please keep them both in your prayers!!!