day 6

3 months ago this little cutie healed Sarah's heart in a way that only a woman struggling with infertility can truly understand. Gracie brought so much joy into Sarah and Jimi's life when she was born. Now 3 months later, this little girl is helping to heal our hearts while they have been breaking when we feel so helpless watching Sarah fight for her life. One look at her big smile melts our hearts. Being around her makes us happy. It helps us to feel closer to Sarah. Gracie...you are such a joy in our world. I know you will be the best therapy for your mommy when she gets better.

I know this is late...we stayed later at the hospital tonight. Sarah had another stable night. Felix's plan worked. He decreased her PEEP to 12 and she was able to tolerate it well. Her FiO2 was turned down to 40%. When Jimi and I walked in to her room this morning, we saw the numbers and again said a prayer of thanksgiving. They turned off her Roc (the paralytic) and also the Ativan (another sedative). Now she is just on fentanyl. She was moving her feet and hands. When we called her name, she would try to open her eyes. It's like when your eyes are so heavy and you can barely open them. Seeing her respond made me so happy. It was awesome to be able to see her slowly coming back. Pam was her nurse and she had Sarah a few days ago and it was wonderful to hear the enthusiasm in her voice on the progress Sarah has made.

Her chest x-ray was slightly improved today. She remains afebrile. Her lungs are able to handle her PEEP so Dr. Hoffman wanted to back off a little and not make any changes. She wanted to give her a day to just rest again and will look to making changes on the ventilator tomorrow if Sarah continues to do well.

When checking labs, her creatinine was a little high. Creatinine is a test that measures kidney function. Dr. Hoffman was on top of it and had her labs checked again tonight. It had gone up again slightly. They are going to check it again in the middle of the night and if it has continued to rise, Dr. Hoffman will write for some medicine to help decrease it and also some more IV fluid to help flush the kidneys. Sarah is not in kidney failure by any means right now. This is just something that is on the radar and is going to be addressed and will be managed appropriately. It is concerning, but we have all the faith in her doctors. They know what they are doing.

It was a great visit tonight. I gave Sarah a pedicure and I told her this had to prove how much I love her because I hate feet. There are only a couple times back in nursing school when I wanted to vomit....going to a senior citizen health fare in Wendover and doing foot care was one of them. I was using the jaws of life to cut these long, yellow toenails made of steel. While I was gagging at the sound of "clip" and dodging flying shards of clippings, my friend Michelle was happily doing blood sugars....Michelle you owe me still and yes I know it was 11 years ago (I will never forget). So, I gave Sar a foot massage and it was cute how she would pull her feet back because they were ticklish. I painted them a festive red right in time for Christmas. Mom and I helped give her a bath and Mom braided her hair. It was so heart warming to spend that time with my sister and my Mom. It was definitely a great way to end the day....just us girls hanging out.

Everyone keeps asking what the timeline is....again we don't know. The doctors don't know. The nurses don't know. No one knows. She is still relying heavily on the vent. Again, we are praying for every little step in the right direction. In the grand scheme of things, she has yards to go and each step is in inches. We'll take inches. We'll take millimeters if it is forward instead of back!

We all went to church today...each in our own wards. Jimi and Steve were even able to attend Sacrament meeting at the hospital. Hearing the Christmas program was wonderful. I think it was exactly the spiritual upliftment that we needed. It's been such a hard week and oh how our lives have changed in just one week. I love Silent Night...it's one of my favorite Christmas songs. As I sang it today the words "all is calm...all is bright" took on a different meaning. I have felt so much peace in the last several days. Amidst all the despair at times, it is so gratifying to have the gospel to help us feel calm when these last days have been such a roller coaster. And all is bright...our Sarah is still here.