day 3

Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful?

I love this picture of Sarah and Gracie. It is just so Sarah...beautiful, happy, full of life, and glowing with love from being a mommy. We love our Sar so much.

Here's the recap of the last 24 hours:

Last night, Sarah was given a bed bath and she had a really hard time handling being moved...even just side to side in bed. She would have intense coughing episodes and she was coughing up a lot--which is good, but unfortunately her O2 (oxygen) sats would just drop and then it would take her awhile for her sats to get back up and over 90% and to where they were before. She was just so tired and weak. Her nurse told us again that she was riding a fine line between needing to be on a ventilator to give her some rest. She was holding steady for the time being, but again was being closely monitored. Jimi and I kissed her goodnight and left for the night....which is so hard. I feel so helpless being there and not being able to do anything, but at least we are there. It's so hard to leave her.

When Jimi got to the hospital this morning, Sarah had a fairly good night. She didn't have any fevers and her last one was the previous afternoon. That was great! She has pretty much been febrile since she was admitted. A fever would break--only to rev up again. So to be afebrile was a small victory. Along with not having a fever (and also correlating) was that her heart rate was coming down. It was in the 120-130's when she was admitted and remained like that for a day before this morning when it was in the 90's. Her FiO2 (percentage of oxygen) was also turned down. This made us feel good and think that things were getting better.

Well, after they completed ICU rounds, Dr. Hoffman (the Intensivist) talked with me and Jimi. She showed us Sarah's chest x-ray from this morning compared to the one when she was admitted. It was worse. The pneumonia was encompassing more of both lungs. She also had some focalizations (dense, hazy spots) on her right lung that were new. She was also having a hard time keeping her oxygen sats up when they took the bipap off for her to cough or even take a sip of water. Her sats would plummet to the 60's and then slowly recover back up to 90%. Dr. Hoffman said she thought it was better to get her intubated and on the vent now when they were one step ahead, rather than doing it emergently later on. Sarah was being a trooper...but it was obvious that she was tiring...she was just working so hard and she needed some well deserved rest.

Things moved quickly and the decision was made to put her on the vent. Now this was done mainly to let her lungs rest and let the vent do all the work so she can recover and save her energy for getting better. Jimi was able to hold her hand and give her a kiss and I told her to have some sweet dreams on all those drugs (when you are intubated, you are put in a medically induced "coma"---you are put on a drip for pain, a drip to keep you sleepy, and sometimes a drip to paralyze you so you can't move) and we would be anxiously waiting for her to wake up and feeling a whole lot better. That was so hard leaving her and knowing when we went back we wouldn't be able to talk to her. I never want to live that experience over ever again.

They got her intubated and then along with the ET tube (the breathing tube), they also placed an NG tube (nasogastric tube) to her stomach so her tummy wouldn't get full of air while being ventilated. Jimi and I went back to see her and she was slightly conscious...sometimes nodding when the RT would talk to her. She coughing a lot and getting used to the vent. They put her on a fentanyl drip and once that got going, she was able to calm down more.

Remember when I talked about her chest x-ray and the new spots on her right lung? Well, Dr. Hoffman was concerned that Sarah might have a PE (a pulmonary embolism---a blood clot in her lung) and she wanted to do a CT (cat scan) to see exactly what it was. This was another scary thing. She went on a "roadtrip" (what we call going to a procedure on a different floor with all the equipment) to radiology and had the CT done. The good news is it wasn't a PE...THANK GOODNESS. The bad news is that they were able to see just how bad her pneumonia is and it is worse than they had originally thought from her x-rays. It's much higher up and more dense.

When she got back from CT, they placed an NJ tube (nasojejunum). This goes from her nose to her small intestine so she can get "oral" nutrition while she is on the ventilator. This is so good--now so she can get some real calories and in time her strength back up.

The whole fam has been able to see her and for that we are so grateful. Jimi's brother, Mark came up tonight and it was so nice to have him visit. Sarah and Jimi's bishop also came by and that was also so great. It's so awesome to know how much she and Jimi are loved.

For now, our Sarah needs to rest. We don't know how long she will be on the ventilator. With every H1N1 case they have seen...the course is different. There are no predictions at this point. Seeing a perfectly healthy 27 year old so sick is scary. Things are being evaluated every hour to see where to go and what to do. The doctors, nurses, RT's, and staff at McKay have been wonderful. We know Sarah is in great hands. They have been very progressive in getting Sarah the care she needs and looking ahead to making sure they always have a plan.

Mark, Jimi, Matt, and I were sitting in the cafeteria tonight and having a very tender conversation. It has been a very emotional day. I love learning from other people....their insights..their wisdom...their advice. It was so neat to see Mark giving Jimi that "brotherly love." He talked about the "other side"...the side where only bad things happen to other people. The Jarman family has been through a lot this year and have been such an amazing example of enduring and rising above their trials since Rose was diagnosed with breast cancer this past spring. I hope Mark and Rose don't mind me mentioning this. Now we know what the other side feels like...when you feel so full of hope one minute and utter despair the next....where you see how sick your loved one is and you have absolutely no control...

But we do have control...we have control in relying on our Saviour to help us through this trying time. We have control in turning to Him to give us peace and comfort. We have control in knowing that there is great power in prayer. Yes, we place our trust in the machines, people, and medicines that are keeping our Sarah alive, but more importantly we place our hearts, our faith, and our prayers in Him and because of that we know Sarah will get better in time and we know that He is right there beside her comforting her while her body is healing from this horrible infection.

Mark said that people would come up to him and say they wish they could do something for him and Rose. He told them, "you already are by praying for her" and that meant the world to him. Now it means the world to us that you are all keeping Sarah in your prayers. We feel it and I know she feels it too.