day 12

Sarah and Jimi have 21 nieces and nephews with both their families combined. Gracie is the youngest on both sides...so they have definitely earned the reputation of being the cool aunt and uncle. I know how much they are adored and in return how much they love Kate, Nick, Phoebe, Emily, Rachel, Boston, Ally, Seth, Abby, Leigh, Colbyn, Alix, Zach, Ian, Chloe, Tommy, Addie, Braxten, Spencer, and Carter. Sarah always tells me funny stories about the Jarman side...and I feel like I know them so much more because of how much she talks about them. Lance and Julie came up on Christmas Eve. Lance told her how Alix opened up all his presents and then tried to re-wrap them. When Lance and Julie confronted him, he told them he just couldn't help it. He had to do it. Sarah smiled around her ET tube and then wrote down on her clipboard that she "loves that kid."

I can only guess how much they have missed her these past 11 days...not being able to see her, talk to her, or say hi on facebook. I'm sure this has been very heavy on their hearts. My little Spencer asks every day if he can go to the hospital and give Auntie a hug. We took him up there on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and I thought for sure we would have a breach of security when he busted out of the waiting room into the ICU (luckily there was a Nemo fish in the tank that was a great distraction).

Sarah's cupboard in her room has cards and letters from nieces and nephews. It is heart warming to see words of encouragement and love from these sweet kids....just the type of good vibes she needs.

Sarah didn't sleep well last night. She got an Ambien...but too late for it to really work. She also told Jimi and I that some of the staff were yelling at each other in the hall. She told us it got so loud she asked for ear plugs. I kind of smiled and thought oh, that's the Ambien talking and didn't really believe her (sorry Sar...I just know what a fun drug Ambien can be). Then I saw the ear plugs! There was a little drama on the unit and like her nurse said..who you work with is your "family". You yell at them too, but deep down inside love each other. How many times have we all wanted or actually have yelled at our co-workers? She was really tired after PT and took a nap. She needed the rest.

So, speaking of PT, Sar got up with PT this morning and sat in the chair. She did great. She wanted to walk, but they weren't quite prepared for that so she ended up walking during the afternoon session. She walked all the way down the hall while the RT bagged her so they wouldn't have to haul the vent. As she walked, she gave the Miss America wave to the staff. Dr. Lotten just shook his head and laughed. I'm sure it's so gratifying to see progress like that in the ICU. Mom said she was in such great spirits after walking.

Everything with the plan for her care remains pretty much the same. ENT will do the trach on Monday. They usually put her vent on assist control at night and then she goes to pressure support during the day. She has her yanker's suction (that big ole wand looking thing that is used for oral suctioning) handy and suctions herself out when she needs it. Her PEEP is at 8. Like I said yesterday, (I think?) Sarah looks so good and her doctor has said that clinically she looks a lot better than what her lungs look like. That is how it's been with H1N1. These patients are sick but then they come in and literally crash. When when they do start to recover, looks are again deceiving. They have a lot of healing on the inside to do...much more than what it appears to be just looking at them. Sarah was getting sicker by the day, but I really thought her course would be like Matt and Spencer's...where they had about 5 really bad days, but then started to feel better and I kept thinking she was going to make that turn...only she didn't. I feel guilty that I didn't catch on to this...especially since I am a nurse. It is scary how this virus blind sides everyone. Her doctor has also said that roughly 99% of patients that get H1N1 will be sick and have a bad week or so, but they will recover and be fine. It's the 1%, like Sarah, that will be devastated by it. When I hear this, I still can't believe my sister was among the 1%. It's crazy still.

My mom took Sarah up a dry erase board so she wouldn't have to run out of paper again. Mom said she was writing a mile a minute tonight. Sarah still has her great sense of humor and wise cracks. We see the written word, but can't wait to hear it. I have a feeling it will be soon...