Halloween Recap

Matt and Tracy had an awesome party in their new house and because there were so many of us (about 25) they did it it in their huge garage.  They pulled out all the stops and had it decorated so cute!  Orange twinkle lights, spider webs, fog machines and scary tunes.  It was tons of fun!  Thanks guys!

  

 My good friend lent Gracie this cute little bumble bee outfit and she was adorable in it!  She LOVED wearing it and spent a lot of time prior to the big day dressing up.  We had every intention of going trick-r-treating to a few houses but when the weather turned ugly we decided to just stay in and have Grace hand out the candy.  She loved everytime the doorbell rang but when it came down to actually giving the candy away, well, she wasn't sold on the idea.  She found a a three musketeers bar bag of m&m' that she just would not give up.

 We turned out our lights around 7:30 when we ran out of candy.  We made dinner and Gracie finally got to eat a few of her m&ms.  She turned to a crazy woman!  I literally gave her only 6 m&ms and that was all it took.  For the next hour and half she ran all over our house, from one room to the next, leaving a very clear path of destruction!  It was crazy!  At one time she scooted down the stairs so quickly that Jimi thought she was going to have a carpet burn!  It was exhausting cleaning up after the little tornado but it was pretty funny to watch. 



It's About Love!

Adoption, as you all know, is very near and dear to my heart and I couldn't be more excited for my brother and sister-in-law to embark on this amazing journey!!!

Nate and Carrie are truly awesome.  I have watched them deal with their own fertility heartaches and my heart has broken for them over and over again.  I know their pain and yet I couldn't be more excited for them to bring their baby home through adoption.  Adoption is not easy.  It is a rollercoaster of emotion from one day to the next but it IS a miracle!  There are so many extra things that must fall into place to get these special little spirits to where our Heavenly Father needs them and I feel so incredibly blessed to have been touched by adoption. 

Nate and Carrie, hang on, be tough and get ready to bring home my niece or nephew!  Grace is going to be so thrilled to get to share this special bond with her cousin!  Love you both, you too Braxt!

Nate and Carrie's profile

 https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/25143434/ourMessage.jsf

Easter 2010

Gracie's first Easter hunt at Grammy and Papa's house.  She found 2 eggs and then it was time for a nap! 

The egg hunt might not have been such a big hit for her, but the scooter definitely was! 

A typical Saturday morning

Yes, Roxy sleeps in our bed and Gracie does not. 

 

Such a happy baby.

We cuddle and we read stories.

We play with Roxy.

Sometimes we even share toys.  I know.  Disgusting.

 

Forever a family.

Things I used to take for granted

10. Functioning taste buds. 24 hours after being transferred from the ICU I was finally able to drink some water. It was heavenly. But I also had to show that I could eat on my own before they would remove my feeding tube. I tried, but it was awful! Everything and I mean everything (from jello to dry pasta) tasted awful! I cannot describe the taste, everything just tasted the same and it was all so terrible. I had to agree to drink Ensure just so I could get home. I did it. It was disgusting. I had trouble with my appetite for several weeks. At first, I thought it was terrific! I would loose some serious weight...well when you don't eat, you don't have energy and I desperately needed all the energy I could get. Thankfully, it has pretty much returned and I eating small-portions that don't make me gag. Although, my chocolate fetish is non-existent and for this I am even more grateful...let's see how long it lasts.

9. Hospitals. Even though I have pledged to never step foot in one again, (I get slightly anxious even typing about it) I will forever be grateful to have such wonderful facilities available to us. So many of our brothers and sisters around the world don't have access to what we do here in this country.

8. ICU Nurses and doctors. These amazing people never crossed my mind prior to December 15, 2009. I had never even been a patient in the hospital prior to that date. Now, I think about them every single day. They love their jobs and are so skilled at them. They became part of my family while I was there. They gave me high-fives when I couldn't really communicate in any other way, cried when I got to see Gracie for the first time, and cheered when I walked for the first time.

7. Sleep. Even on Gracie's worst night I am still able to get in a few hours here and there but sleep in a hospital becomes almost comical. I am just proud that I never once got mad at anyone for disturbing my attempted slumber. I was told that I was a great patient...probably because I had a 10 inch tube in my throat so I couldn't ever vocalize my frustrations...that and all the painkillers didn't hurt either.

6. Showers. As soon as I got into my other room out of the ICU, I asked my nurse if I could take a real shower. I was in there for near an hour! I really hated those in-bed-sponge-baths. Two a day...really?! Is that completely necessary? Probably. But still. I hated them!

5. Home. There really is no place like it. Coming to my parents' house was a blessing. I was able to gain a lot of strength there and I had a constant nanny for Gracie, which was huge! But coming to my own home a few weeks ago was the best feeling in the world!

4. Water. The pain of thirst is something I will never forget. 13 days without a single drop was near torture. Although for about 9 of those days, I don't really remember. so ok...4 days without water...still! It was all I could think about, I was even plotting a plan, too bad I still couldn't walk on my own or I would have raided the nurses' station.

3. My body and my health. Of course there are things I really am not in love with when it comes to my body, but I will never ever forget how it felt to not be able to do the things I could a few weeks before. Things like walking across the room steadily and going down the stairs not feeling like my legs were going to give out and I would go tumbling on down. Being able to get out of my bed on my own and stand in a shower without having to sit on those old-people benches. Washing my hair without having to take a nap after. Going to the bathroom on my own and by myself!! Walking down the hall without a bib for my drool, a ventilator so I could still breath, a walker to keep me steady and my own medical entourage following me every step of the way. Did I ever mention how glamorous I was in the ICU? :)

2. The Gospel. Specifically prayer. I am so thankful to know what I do about this life and the life thereafter. I remember being in the ICU and my doctor told me that they needed to put me under and intubate me. It all was just happening so quickly and I felt so out of control. Dr. Lawton asked if I had any questions...I just said, "I'm afraid I'm not going to wake up." He didn't say one word. He just squeezed my hand. He couldn't make any promises. They had Jimi and Tracy come say goodbye to me and then had them leave. I immediately thought, I need to feel some sort of comfort and I wasn't going to get it from anyone there. I started praying. I am so thankful for my testimony and that prayer has always been a major part of that. I felt calm. I wasn't sure what that meant, but for those few seconds before the anaesthesia took affect, I was praying and I was calm and I was not alone.

1. Family. My family is amazing. Most of my conscious moments there was Jimi and someone else in my room visiting me. The even notice at first, they walked in, like they did everyday and said hi. I sat still then stuck out my tongue and whispered in my raspy voice..."it's out! and no trach!" They cried. My brothers came and watched a football game with me in my room one night. My other brothers rubbed my feet with lotion, they read me my blogstrength they showed and encouragement they gave me was the key to getting me home. I remember mom and dad being so excited when I could write on the white board to talk to them. They cheered when I was able to sit up in bed on my own. They laughed when I surprised them with my ET tube being out. Mom and dad didn't  comments, they gave me Priesthood blessings. They supported Jimi and took him to lunch and dinner. My sister was my personal nurse. She drained my catheter so my nurses wouldn't have to. She gave me a pedicure while I was sleeping. She came with Jimi every morning to be at rounds with all the ICU staff so she knew what was going on with me then she went home and helped with Grace and her own two and then came back at night to see me again. She manned my blog. Jimi....well, he was my rock. He broke down when they induced coma and intubated me and from then after said he never doubted that I would wake up. He showed such strength to everyone around him. He talked to me when I was sleeping. He swabbed my mouth when it hurt so much because it was so dry, he kept my PulseOx on my finger when I tried to take it off over and over again. He learned soo much about all the medical jargon so he would know what was going on with me. He helped me shower when I came home. He got up with Gracie for weeks and then went to work the next day. My sweet little Gracie. Knowing that I had to fight for her motivated me. I knew I had to get up and walk and do all my PT because I knew I was coming home to a very active 3 1/2 month old. I needed to be strong. She is so alert and so much fun. She is such a miracle to us, I needed to be the same for her.

So many thank yous!

Hello everyone. It is me, Sarah, and I am back!! I feel so completely overwhelmed with emotion as I sit down to do this. I feel like I could say thank you every hour for the rest of my life and it wouldn't be enough.

First, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who thought of me, mentioned me, prayed for me and added me to temple prayers rolls. I believe in prayer. I believe there is nothing more powerful than speaking with our Father in Heaven and when it is done on anothers' behalf, it is all the more powerful. So, thank you! I sincerely mean it. I know that I am here because of the faith shown by my family and all of you.

Second, I feel a little bit vulnerable in this situation that I am in. I know everyone must be so curious as to know my side of things, and I promise as I get a little stronger to share my perspective, but really for the time being, I am struggling. I am SO grateful that my sister, who is the greatest one in the world, kept journal of all of this both for all of you but also for me. I will admit when I sat down to read it, I was not prepared for the information. I really had no idea I was so sick until I read it all. It is an odd thing to sit down and read about your own life for the last two weeks and not have most of those memories. I am thankful that I don't have those memories, I am just feeling a little weird that for nearly two weeks I don't really have any memories.

Third, I feel really pretty good considering everything. I am pretty weak though. I cannot hold my baby for more than about three minutes and that has been hard on me. I want to do it but I am just learning to walk steadily around the house. I felt so great and was off the oxygen and everything on Monday and walked all over the hospital for physical therapy and then yesterday came home and had zero energy! Today has been better but it took me almost two hours to get showered and dressed! Yikes! I am not used to this! I know it will get better.

I am just so grateful to all of you for your love and concern and to my family for their vigilant faith.

To Jimi who was by my side most of every waking minute and most of the sleeping ones too, I always knew you were the love of my life! Thank you for showing your sweet love to me over and over again over the last ten years. You are the kindest, most gentle-hearted man and I feel honored to be your wife. Everyone at the hospital kept telling me what a keeper I have and that you rarely left my side. I am sorry you had to go through this but thank you for loving me enough to.

To Tracy, what can I say to you? You touched my feet!?!? You are the greatest big sister I could ever hope for. I thank you for not only taking care of my blog and keeping everyone up to date, but for taking care of me! I know that I had THE best nurse on my side the entire time and that it was you. I think nurses are amazing people. You have always been my best friend and I am so happy to still be around to raise our kids together to be the same kind of friends.

To my mom and dad....I love being your daughter and am who I am because you allowed me to always be myself and even encouraged it. I really am not sure where I got by stubbornness because you both are way more generous and kind than I have ever been but now I have more time to work on that. Daddy, thank you for holding my hand and crying when I made a new milestone and mom, thank you for holding my heart (literally) and taking care of Grace for us. I cannot imagine watching my own daughter go through this and I hope to never have to, thank you for your faithful prayers and temple visits. You are the best parents and I am a very blessed girl to have you both.

To my doctors and nurses...I have never heard of a patient being treated with such love and encouragement by medical staff as you did to me. I know I was saved because of you and your skills, that and a lot of prayers. Yesterday before I left the hospital, I had two different Intensivits stop by just to check on me, they were not even the one who discharged me. I have a very soft place in my heart for the ICU staff at McKay-Dee. I would consider any of you family...especially the nurses who shaved my legs and armpits for me!!

To my eight brothers (that's right 8! 4 by blood and 4 by love).... thank you to your families for being there for me! Jimi's brothers offered him so much love and support and I know as the youngest of the bunch, he has always looked up to each of you. Steve, thank you for flying out and helping him and my family understand just what was going on. I am only sorry that I was unconscious your entire visit! I really need to work on my people skills. Mark, thank you for driving up after hours of work to spend hours with Jimi after you have had your own journey this year. I know that if anyone could relate to Jimi, it would have been you. Craig, thank you for helping our family be able to come together. I heard how quickly you offered to bring Steve out and I said to myself, that is just so Craig. Thank you and Amy for your Christmas visit also. Those are my earliest memories of waking up and I loved having you both there. To Lance, you have always been my biggest protector and it is no different now. I loved waking up to you and dad peeping in my room, yes, even at 6:40 AM!!! To Scott, mom just told me that you spent an entire day with me. I hope I didn't try talking you into any more water....it only worked with you that one time because you are so sweet and giving! To Nate, thank you for the awesome pjs, they are the first thing I wore when I was out of the ICU. Also, thank you for your visits and foot rubs...I loved your visits because I love hearing your laugh. To Ryan, thank you for reading my blog to me! Those are some of my earliest memories of all of this, I know you helped so much with the kids and allowed mom and Trace to spend time with me. To Matt, thank you for visiting me and and even more, thank you for lending your wife to me for two weeks. I know that left you to be Mr. Dad, but if anyone could do it, it is you! Your boys are so blessed to have such a strong role model of what a dad should be. To all of my sisters-in-law, thank you for helping watch Gracie and support your husbands while they spent time with me. All six of you are amazing people and I love you all!

To Steve and Frances, I love your son and owe you so much for the man he is. Thank you for your love and prayers and I look forward to your visit soon!

To Aunt Joyce and Uncle Hal and Hilary....thank you for the beautiful plant and flowers and for calling mom all the time to check on both her and me. I love you all so much! Hil, thanks for all the encouraging words! To Melissa, Kaylin, and Alicia, thank you for stopping by the ICU! I am so glad that you were all there on my parade to the 3rd floor! Thanks for the books and goodies....that lipsaver just about saved me!

To everyone else who came and I cannot remember, I am sorry, but thank you.

To my ward family....I love and have missed each of you! Your encouraging words on my blog and facebook have made so much the difference on my journey. I have looked forward to your words and cannot wait to see you all soon.

Thank you all for your love, your flowers, your gifts, your encouragement, your visits, your texts and emails and comments on my blog and your prayers.

Thank you to my Heavenly Father for giving me more time with my sweet family. I believe in prayers and I believe in forever families!

Our Newest Nephew

Carter Jeffrey Smythe was born 13 days before Gracie. I have meant to do this post much sooner, but have been a tiny bit busy. Carter was blessed last Sunday and his dad gave him a beautiful blessing. I meant to get a picture of Carter and Gracie together but forgot! Dangit!

Carter had to spend his first 5 days in the NICU but was such a trooper and so was his mom. I know how it feels to not be able to hold your baby for a few days and not be able to take them home as soon as you can...it is awful! Trace, you are a trooper too!
We sure love this little guy. He is super cuddly and sweet and he and Gacie are going to be great friends.

Life is short.

I was gently reminded today of just how fragile and short and wonderful this life truly is. This morning I had a real treat. One of my very best friends from high school came over to meet my darling little girl. As we sat and talked about our life 10+ years ago we laughed a lot. It was so fun to sit there and talk to someone who grew up with me, experienced many of life's most embarrassing moments with me and is still my friend all these years later. She and I are at different places in life and yet, when we do see each other and do talk, it is just like it always was! We will be friends forever, we have to be, she knows too much about me!

As we sat on my couch talking, she told me of another friend whom I haven't seen in years, and how her older sister recently passed away due to Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I couldn't believe it! Just last night on the 10 o'clock news, a segment was run about Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Apparently it makes up only 5% of all breast cancers and yet it is almost always fatal. IBC patients are usually quite young and because of it's symptoms, it often goes untreated until it is too late and has metastasized. I thought of my old friend and her sister and her family. She passed away after a two year battle. She had a loving husband. She had five children. She had a life. She was loved. She had cancer anyway.

My thoughts immediately went to my own sister-in-law. She has been fighting a battle with breast cancer herself. She was told in May that she had breast cancer. She has five children. She has a loving husband. She got cancer anyway. After several months, Rose is still fighting her cancer. She has undergone months of chemo, a major surgery, and now radiation. In the middle of the chemo she was told it had gone to her lungs and was inoperable. After a few more rounds of chemo and a family fast, the spots on her lungs were gone! She is the strongest person I know, oh, did I mention that she was the Relief Society president when she got the diagnosis and six months later.....she is STILL the RS president?!? She is faithful. She is strong. She is a teacher to everyone.

So, now wondering if my ranting is making any sense, I am just thinking about life. How short it can be but how amazingly wonderful it can be too. I have been very blessed in my 27 years. I have awesome parents who have loved me and raised me and taught me the gospel. I have a sister who is my best friend and is always there for me. I have four protective and loving brothers who I know would do anything for me. I have an incredible husband who has been my rock and my support system through many hard things. I have been a mother for 52 short days and it is incredible and amazing and everything I ever wanted and hoped it would be. I love my little girl so much and I love my life. I have a great ward family, awesome neighbors and amazing friends. I know that if my journey ended tomorrow, it would be ok. (Well actually, if it ended in April 2010, it would be ok, because I would be sealed to my sweet baby girl and my rockin' hubby.) I have been given so many things and I feel so utterly overwhelmed some days. Life is short. Live it. Love it. Be grateful for it because as we all know, it can change very quickly.

Jimi was supposed to be putting her to bed, an hour later, this is what I found...

I love this picture because of her finger. Doesn't it look like she is pointing to someone saying, "it wasn't me, it was them!"?!?